I Took a Walk

I thought, I listened, I appreciated - I found a solution

I came out to Raven Glen, my favorite spot these days, to catch up on reading a little bit. I skipped the Dunkin Donuts $6 deal today though. Made my own sausage, egg & cheese on a sesame bagel & wrapped it up. I filled the travel mug with Gevalia and made the 10 minute trek here.

I started chowing down while going thru some of the shorter reads like I usually do, while trying to stay away from notes. Notes has been a real strain on the brain for the most part over the past couple of weeks and I wanted to back off for a day or two. So no hard scrolling today. I went through my list.

C.J. Heck

,

The Starfire Codes

,

John Brown

,

Nurse Kristin

to name a few. Nice mix of thought, reflection, and giggles.

But, I gotta tell ya

Stone Bryson

got me right between the eyes this morning in What The Hell an I Doing ! It’s quite the read when dealing with writing, topics, editing and keeping focus on what you want to say and how to say it.

The one thing I’ve noticed in the last week or so is the number of people having the same mindset I do, which is always a sign you’re on track and certainly not alone. Notes and all of the negativity associated with it with all the political mumbo jumbo going on can get you down in the dumps and in a hurry. Thank gosh for

Cori Bren

and

Deborah T. Hewitt

and their refreshing, nostalgic look back in The Wander Years. Our growing up around the same time matches up and I find that people can be miles apart, yet it seems we all did the same types of things growing up…at least if you were in the right neighborhood with the right people.

So, sitting back and sipping my coffee after devouring that bagel got me thinking about something Stone said. It was the term solutions. Although I’m looking at something a little bit different than he was describing for himself, the term solution stands out.

Over the past week or 10 days, I’ve been feeling like crap. Physically, mentally, emotionally - you name it. Tired as a sumbitch, it all works on you ! One thing I’ve learned over the years of counseling is that there is always a “why”. Never say to your therapist “I don’t know” ! Understanding the why goes a long way towards a solution (ahhh, that word !!) and ultimately feeling better - at least in terms of what’s above your shoulders !

So I decided today to get these old bones in gear and take a walk ! Think about things. No headphones, no music, no talk. Just nature and what it has to offer.

So the wheels have been turning when reading the different stories and experiences of so many out here. How am I the same ? What makes them different ? How can someone be coping ok and I’m feeling like caca ? Obviously, the first response is “gee, I don’t know”. Errrrrr - wrong answer ! I thought about it for a bit more. Honestly, there are probably a few reasons. Probably the biggest is just missing things and lost loved ones. Mom’s 😇 birthday would been tomorrow and even though she’s gone 30+ years now, the date and memory lives on complete with 🥲🥲🥲🥲. Some of the stories I’ve read make me feel like my sister 😇 is talking to me. She never seems to talk from above over the 5 years she’s gone, but now seems like she’s around. Even that top pic from the walk seems as though that sun streak is almost like an orb coming from the sky. I’m thinking someone is kicking me in the rumpus !

Then, there’s the walking away from the railroad. Make no mistake, I’m not missing it. Not working has its advantages but it is an adjustment. I’ve thought after 6 months away that the stress, anxiety and emotion of it all would have been gone. It’s better, but not quite what I thought it would be at this point. I think that’s because I’m not “officially” retired yet and I still have some bullshit I have to deal with once a month. These people have extended the living hell since the day I left. Doesn’t matter which department, HR, Crew Management, Medical, Payroll. They all have contributed to the misery with their inability to a) first and foremost, get things done and b) get it done right. There’s some financial issues related to all of that which means even though I’m ok, I still have to be responsible and not going out and do too many silly things.

Throw in a little political doom and gloom and that takes care of the what and why. Now the issue becomes what am I going to do about it - the solution ! It would be fun to go on tv like LeBron James did, remember, the decision, on his free agency leaving Cleveland (the first time) way back when ! But who wants to do anything with the media or Disney or whatever. Besides, I don’t think it would garner much of an audience 😂😂😂😂.

Really, though, I think I have it, and I’m doing it. Get out, move around a bit. Appreciate what I have, while I can. I’m still not into sports or movies or stuff like that, but I’ve been at my spot for like 3 1/2 hours now, and it feels pretty good. Get the body loose and do more walks. It was nice to hear the sand and gravel sounding like crumpled saltines under my feet walking to the quiet sounds of crickets, chipmunks, squirrels, birds and soft winds. The sights of the trees, the water and just the surroundings - taking it all in. Screw the world and its headaches.

It’s been a pretty good day.

Read a story, write a story. Find a solution.

Just keep the focus and do it correctly, right Stone ???